Track 3

[Red corner, opener. Cornerman registration complete. Blue corner, responder…]

I’m good by myself.

Heh… you sure are confident. Nothing less than what I’d expect from the man known as the S-rank gatekeeper.

Uhm, yeah, I’ve got no idea what you’re yapping on about.

You know, if you wanna be promoted that badly, it’d honestly be easier if you just did a few battles here and there rather than sending me a whole challenge letter.

Hahaha! A promotion without taking down the invincible Diss Emperor K is no promotion at all!

…What a pain.

[Please choose a mode.]

You can decide.

Very well, in that case, I choose Theme Battle, BO3!!

Daaaaamn~… So Ushio is the Diss Emperor K~! That’s my bestie over there~!! I know him~!!

Invincible means… Kurama has, never lost…

Somehow that kinda tracks.

Oh yeah, what’s that B-O-whatever they keep adding at the end of the mode selection? I’ve kinda been just using it willy-nilly without really checking.

Huh? You don’t know either?

I think… it’s an, e-sports term…

That’s right. BO is short for “best of.” It refers to the total number of matches in a set.

In this case, BO3 is a best-of-three, where the first to win two matches secures their victory.

I see! I don’t know who you are, but thanks a bunch.

No need to thank me. For I am just a wandering D-BATTLE Professor…

(…? Something about him seems familiar… Or maybe not…)

[Speak your truth. D-Speaker on stand-by.]

“Okaaaaay, then without further ado, let’s get this show on the road! Here’s to a clean fight, get ready to throw, say—”

D-BATTLE, READYYYYY GOOOO!!!

(The roulette started spinning…)

“Let me explain! Theme Battle is a mode where BATTLERS debate on a random topic selected from spinning a wheel!”

“And our topic for this match iiiiiiiis—!?”

“None other than ‘Thoughts on the Rank System of Asu High’! D-BATTLE START!”

[Red corner, open.]

“Hahaha, I see!”

“…Hrm, hold on, give me 5 seconds to think—”

“Huh? 5 seconds? To shut up and think? You’re lucky this isn’t a podcast or you’d be cooked. Talk about on-air mishap much?”

Huh!?

W-Wait… it’s still my…

[The opening D-Speaker has been consumed. Changing turns.]

“Oops, sucks to suck. My condolences, but then again, it’s only natural for a puppy domesticated by the system to be incapable of thinking for itself.”

“Oh, my bad, that might’ve been a bit offensive… to puppies. ‘Cause apparently, they have at least the intelligence of a 3 year old.”

“And I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure 3 year olds have the brain power to answer right away when you ask them a question… something you clearly can’t do. Seriously, how did you get into this school like that?”

GAH!?

“With a slip of the tongue, our challenger not only concedes their turn, but also takes a relentless D-RUSH!”

W… Wow…

Ushio’s not playing! If you strike at our boy once, he’ll attack back 100-fold! At this point, he’s not using a speaker, he’s using a paranormal antenna!!

…You mean parabolic antenna. Also, Ushio has yet to bring up the actual topic…

“I know it’s BO3 or whatever, but is there even a point to doing the full 3 rounds? I don’t know, I feel like the game would lowkey be rigged if you actually won.”

“That’s kinda sketchy actually. I don’t know how I feel about this. Whoever’s in charge should revise the system or you’re gonna run into problems down the line.”

Ghrk!?

“A-And that’s all she wrote…! There was even a stray jab thrown at the management right there in the very end. Note taken!”

We’re done? Then I’m heading back.

Damn… he’s crazy. So this is Diss Emperor K…

Hoh… His title is truly well-earned. What a flawless victory.

“That’s all for today folks! See you again next time, Let’s D-BATTLE!”

…Thanks for the meal.

Phewie. I’m stuffed to the brim like a sausage! A human happiness sausage!

As always, your appetite was a sight to behold. I’m certain the dumplings made by Kamina-san were honored to fulfill their purpose within your stomachs.

It was worth wrapping them with love together with the chief. We have leftover filling so if anyone is still hungry, I can fry up some teriyaki meatballs.

Too bad… Kaguya isn’t here, to eat, with us…

Muu-chan said he’d go home before coming back today.

Hehehe… Akuta-kun, you really ate all the dumplings without noticing the extra veggies inside!

Huh, what? Drats, you got me…!

I’m heading back after I do the dishes.

…

(After everything, everyone came back to the dorm and just ate dinner like nothing happened…)

Hey, guys. About that D—

!

Uh, uhhhhhh, OHHHHH! ABOUT DEEZ NUTS! AHA!

?

Nanaki, you can’t talk about that here! Do it in the room, c’mon, let’s go!

Huh? Oh, okay.

You too, Mr. Emperor, right this way please!

Idi… You and your big mouth.

Kamina-san… Could I, come back later… for the, meatballs…?

Yeah. I’ll make lots.

So uh, yeah. Supersonic crab walk. *shuffle, shuffle*

My little brothers… seemed a bit frantic. I wonder if they have some sort of secret meeting?

(It's definitely one of those teenage things…!)

…

PWAHH! Heave, hooo! Don’t worry, Nanaki, you can breathe now.

I never stopped breathing.

*sigh*… I can’t believe you actually brought up D-BATTLE right then and there. Try to read the room a little?

What do you mean?

There’s an unspoken rule that you can’t talk about D-BATTLE with anyone who doesn’t have the invitation.

If a teacher, or the student council, finds out… the area will, get shut down, immediately…

Ohh, I see. So since Mr. Sakujiro and Chief technically count as school staff…

Eggsactly. Oh yeah, and in case you’re wondering, I got mine off of Sekiguchi and Morita after begging them like craaaazy.

Huh? Weren’t those guys involved with Kiroku’s suspension…? You actually went and talked to them?

(Isotake can still talk to someone even after things get awkward… I should take notes…)

Well y’see, I overheard them talking and was like, “Hey! I’m filming a Fight Society¹-esque blockbuster next! This is perfect!” But yeah, my battles so far have been massive Ls after Ls!

So is Golem battling with you too then? Can you even?

No… I just, tag along, and watch…

…Honestly, that’s probably for the best.

The whole “throwing insults at each other just for fun” is so messed up, like how can anyone just stand there and take it?

If you ask me, I think the teachers and student council have a point in being against it.

*scoff*

…What’s your problem?

Nothing? I was just thinking how there’s a really emo and wimpy loser of a panda whining about getting destroyed by some weird girl.

Like wow, talk about having negative aura.

Wha…! So you saw that—!?

Ah… I think, I heard, a car outside, just now… Is Kaguya, back…?

Shoot! It’s dangerous if Lord Vice-Prez finds out!

…

Aight folks, meeting over, buh bye!

…

Alright class, listen up! Today we’ll be having joint P.E. class to play volleyball!

(Of all the classes, why’d it have to be with him…)

So first I’ll take attendance… huh?

Oh, I forgot to bring the book! Oopsie daisy!

I’ll be right back. For now, do some light stretches to warm up!

(…Whatever. As long as I don’t end up on the same team as him I’ll be—)

(Huh?)

Heeey, Emperor-sama. Em-per-or-sa-ma.

…

Tch, he’s ignoring us. Who does he think he is?

(Ushio… I’m pretty sure they’re only picking on him because of D-BATTLE…)

What? Did you forget how to speak?

Even though you were yapping so much yesterday?

…

(Well… He’s the one who chose to participate in a game like that. You reap what you sow.)

But not gonna lie, I didn’t think you’d actually fight so nicely like that.

Yeah, after all—

This is Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes we’re talking about.

(…!)

…

Ohh… sorry.

I didn’t really register what you were saying ‘cause I didn’t know it was possible to be this immature.

Huh…!?

It’s okay, I know. It can be daunting to diss someone outright in front of so many people, so you had no choice but to come up to me secretly like this, right? Sorry for not realizing sooner.

And you even came right when there’s no teacher around too. Aww, I really appreciate it.

Tch… This motherfucker…!!

…!

(Is he going to hit Ushio!? That’s going way too far…!)

Cut it out!

!